PTSD: Reminders That It Never Ends
Last night I was laying in bed, cuddled in a favorite quilt, just starting to get sleepy while watching firelight on the ceiling (better than a nightlight!), when a memory popped out of nowhere and...
View ArticleYesterday, I felt worthless & humiliated
Yesterday I was made to feel worthless, less-than, something to be mocked and spoken down to. It went on until I cried and apologized over and over (at which point I was told that maybe I should go see...
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Update: Last Week I Went Back To General Assistance
Last month I wrote a diary detailing my experience with my town's General Assistance office. This is something of an update, and partially asking for crossed fingers. :)
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catch-22--general assistance (town help)
Well, today has been just lovely. I finally made an appointment with the General Assistance office, I came prepared, I'd done my research, I was confident, poised, and had all my documentation. None...
View ArticleFighting myself for my mental health
I have an assignment. I need to write a background for a psychologist so I can have a new MMPI done.It's not easy.
View ArticleA Day of Getting Things Done
Yesterday was quite a long day, but it was also productive! I was looking at my dairy list and saw that most of them were a bit...sad-sack...so I thought I'd write up some happiness!After all, what...
View ArticleTown vs City General Assistance
I am writing this to give people an idea of what it's like to navigate Social Services in northern New England. I write from the point of view of a physically and mentally disabled, queer (although...
View ArticleI'm an introvert, and while I don't want to, I have to say goodby for a...
Tomorrow I'm getting dropped off in front of a homeless shelter. I'll be without a computer or much of my things.My only computer is an older tower model that I've upgraded and more than does a great...
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A quilt in the shelter; and so many thanks to Daily Kos
Thank you so much, everybody. I received a beautiful quilt at a time when it was truly needed. My divorce was coming up, I'd reached two months at this DV shelter, and life was feeling pretty dark....
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Púka got sick over the weekend.
Púka the day after treatment We're not entirely sure why, as of yet. It was in some measure gastro, and had his red blood cell count worrying elevated. I don't regret taking him to the emergency...
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Disability in New England--some of the richest states in the union
Destitute Trixie--quite how I feel A small outcry has been made for new diaries from the disadvantaged. I'm certainly one of that group. Im on SSI, its my only income save $18 a month from SNAP. I have...
View ArticleNot NN: Daily Kos, Demographics, and Slacktivism
Okay, maybe this would have been better received next week, but I write when I can. :)You wouldn’t believe how many people have opined that I have chosen to give up a good job to live in the lap of...
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Thank you (When you don't have a bed)
The fuzzy destroyer Very late last month, Kitsap River heard about what a certain cat did to my air mattress, and renewed her objections to my sleeping conditions. So she asked to write a diary, and I...
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Thank you so much, again (the bed in here)
A few days ago, a week earlier than IKEA had lead me to believe it would happen, several long boxes and what looked like an over-sized California roll were delivered to the apartment. My roommate...
View ArticleNew (subsidized!) Housing
I didn't think it would really happen. Certainly not so soon. There were a lot of bumps in the road, and more to come, but I'm in an apartment of my own, in an elderly/disabled building. It's fully...
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Can you help raise funds for Médecins Sans Frontières with LSG?
I'm in a little group called Lazy, Stupid, and Godless that is currently raising funds for Médecins Sans Frontières. (Doctors Without Borders)We may be all or none of those things, but since the...
View ArticleWhat are your insomnia experiences?
I start having surreal dreams as I sit mostly upright. Several times while writing this, which could be embarrassing.So, what's the most interested story of your exhaustion, and how you came to be...
View ArticleA new service dog? Maybe.
My landlord berated me and sent me into a panic attack. I think it was on purpose.You see, he doesn't want me to start training a replacement for Púka.
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Pacer, my new service dog-in-training
Pacer looking noble (and making sure Púka knows he's behaving!) In my last diary, I wrote about some issues I was having with the building manager in my subsidized housing complex. He had always...
View ArticleNeed help with a pro bono family law attn in NH
I need a family attorney, pro bono. The courts are closing the custody case. I'm on waiting lists for pro bono, but I have been for years. The alphabet soup orgs have more important cases. Custody is...
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To Everyone Who Helped Dervish, Thank You
Dervish was a good dog who tried his best at everything. He wasn’t perfect—he still had a few issues with being fear reactive with other dogs—but even that was getting better. I had him in a class and...
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Thank you, to everyone who has helped me move toward getting a new service dog
As many of you know, last month was a bit rough for me. I lost the uncle that I’ve always felt closest to, and then I got into a single vehicle accident, and rode a guard rail into a tree. I was mostly...
View ArticleThanksgiving Miracles
Thanks to a very generous and smart Kossack (anon unless they choose otherwise), I am the proud lessee of a lovely 2002 Suburu Outback, the car of my people. It has ridiculously low mileage for a car...
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A Chance to be a Service Dog
On 29 December, I received the latest in a long line of emails: “We have another service dog prospect.” This one was a 1yo doxie cross, spayed female. Even less promising than usual—dachshund’s aren’t...
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Still hoping to be a service dog, but there are issues.
I’d like to thank everyone for their patience. Sally and I have been working very hard. We’ve had our Manners class Tuesday evenings (and we stay for Manners 2, so that Sally gets more exposure to...
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The Continuing Story of Miss Sally Blizzard
Many people here have urged me to keep Sally, regardless of her fitness for service work of any type. You can see it in the comments here and here. I’ve stressed about it a lot. I don’t want to...
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Sally Storm and how she fairs
I apologize for taking so long to write an update. My computer at this point rarely works, and I have a lot of difficulty even loading DKos on my first gen iPad during campaign season, let alone...
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THANK YOU! As a deaf Kossack, I ask for help
Purple pony is confused and happyI can safely say that the fundraiser is over, thanks to a very generous donation. Thank you so much, Daily Kos!Seriously, I looked at the PayPal site and my reaction...
View ArticleLate night ramblings
I finally got the knitting bug back the past few weeks. I started and finished the hat in the title image, and I ripped back and fixed some socks I stalled on 11 months ago. They’re my first try at...
View ArticleDipping my toes back in the water. Poverty, disability, & the government.
I started a series several years ago about moving through the DHHS and SSA system as a queer, disabled, and poor person, at about the same time one of the first demographic studies was done on Daily...
View ArticleChanging Your Name When Indigent and Genderqueer
I can’t remember a time when I haven’t wanted, longed, to change my name. My name has never been my own, I was named for an aunt for died a few years before I was born, and of my copious cousins &...
View ArticleHomelessness is a vulture, that perches in the soul...
I’ve been homeless in several different ways since my TBI in 2010.I technically live in condemned housing, and spend time in a neighbor & friend’s house. I’ve lived in my car.I’ve been without a...
View ArticleSNAP & How It Can Affect Your Life
I’ve been on SNAP/food stamps/food assistance on and off for a good bit of my life. I grew up on paper food stamps, WIC, and government cheese and canned meat, and all the shame that went with those,...
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Accepted by the Shelter After 2 Years
After over two years of waiting, and some legal involvement (which I haven't been allowed to talk about until now), my service dog and I have finally been accepted into a local shelter here in Southern...
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Shelter Life in the U.S.
I’m sitting on my bed in the Shelter, typing this on my iPad because they don’t allow us (or most of the staff) to use the WiFi, so no computer for me. Fun times. This diary isn’t to show how I’m...
View ArticleShelter Life—Bathroom & Communication Discrimination
I had somehow hoped I would manage to go through life without encountering Bathroom discrimination. That hope was dashed here in the Shelter. For a period of about a week, staff got tired of having to...
View ArticleWeirdness at the Shelter
Update!I met with my case manager yesterday, and it seems that I’ve sent enough documentation to Disability Rights Maine that they called him while I was there. What timing!They had had an imperfect...
View ArticleShelter Life—Staked Out at Low Tide
First, the good news: my car simply had a bad oil seal, and was fixed (complete with oil change) for under $100. I was lucky in the transmission issue, and a fuse change fixed it. :) So I’m back with a...
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Shelter Life—Aftermath
The good news: I got a BRAP voucher. The bad news: I left the Shelter on 11 May after being attacked again.I’ve been so depressed and (for the first week) busy I haven’t wanted to write this. This week...
View ArticleMy Housing Search
A housing search is exhausting. Every day you go over the same sources (if anyone has ideas here, I’ll take them), pounce on the new ads that come close to fitting your parameters, and write a...
View ArticleTicking Clock and Frantic Calls
I’ve been searching for housing with a BRAP Voucher since April. Nothing really happened until my Grandmama died, I had a case manager visit on the day of her wake, and my case manager sent me to...
View ArticleHomelessness is Waiting
Homeless people get characterized as lazy a lot. It’s a meme. Something you tend to mentally attach to ‘homeless’ without thinking about it, because it’s part of the mental package, right? No...
View ArticleHappy Update! Transitional Housing
I’ve finally moved into transitional housing. It’s a lovely accessible apartment that was already set up for deafness, with flashy lights everywhere. It has wide doorways and low countertops should I...
View ArticleFiscal Responsibility, Poverty, And Thanksgiving
I’ve always tried to be responsible. Because I’m now on SSI, and have a brain injury, I try to keep as large a balance in my bank account as possible for as much of the month as possible. I only get...
View ArticleIt’s systemic
The reason why we have so many more BIPOCs in prison, compared to white people, for similar offenses, is because of things like this. According to the report, the name that’s emblazoned on the top of...
View ArticleSSI is not Secure anymore
There’s been a lot of consternation and fear in the disability community about the new measures impacting our lives that the current president is pushing through. There are the measures to hobble the...
View ArticleLiving Within What Your Means Must Be
Being poor, disabled, on public assistance always means a series of trade offs. I don’t know why people worry so much about fraud. You have to give not only all your banking information, but also your...
View ArticleWaiting, but Keeping Busy
I started these socks over the weekend knowing I had several appointments this week. I use a medical ride company, Logisticare, and often spend quite a while in transit (since we have to pick up other...
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Decrease the surplus population, indeed.
I’m so very tired. You’d think I’d be in the cream. The entire world is living like me now, socially distancing, talking mostly online, getting to experience the day-to-day within their house and walls...
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